Being a father has a lot of joy and many rewards.  This joy is coupled with responsibility and duty.  It is a mission of love and perseverance of the highest calling.  Jesus said, “When someone has been given much, much will be required in return; and when someone has been entrusted with much, even more will be required.” (Luke 12:48).  As we celebrate fathers today let’s spend a few minutes reflecting upon the joy, privilege and responsibilities of raising children.

It is the solemn and sacred responsibility of parents (mother and father) to give their children the instruction, correction and discipline that will establish them with a Biblical worldview and provide an upbringing that is based on a relationship with God and His word.  Parents should be examples for their children of what a Christian is supposed to be, of what a man is supposed to be and of what a woman is supposed to be.  The primary concern of parents should be that of their children’s relationship with Jesus Christ.  This focus should be secondary to preparing their children for jobs, professions, ministry in the church or even social standing.

One of the most significant roles a man can fill during his time on earth is that of a father.

The Bible has much to say concerning parents and children. Let’s take a brief look at what the Bible has to say concerning parents and children.

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4)

Parents cannot abdicate or delegate their roles in their children’s lives.  It is the family that holds that greatest responsibility in raising children. It is the father and the mother who are responsible for education (both spiritual and natural). The church and the education system of your country are the supporting cast for what you as a parent are raising your children to be.  Far too often we have allowed the equation to be reversed and parents rely on churches and teachers to be the primary educators of their children.  Most of the men and women involved in these institutions care about the children they instruct and educate and they work hard to be good at what they do.  Regardless of how good a pastor or teacher is at their job they can never fill the role of mom or dad. Being a parent requires that you take ownership of and responsibility for the upbringing and well-being of your child; there can be no passing the buck.

Some have said that fatherhood can be broken down into three main categories:

Protect
Provide
Guide

This is definitely not the complete list but it does encompass much of what takes places between a father and his children.

Lead by Example

So practice and obey whatever they tell you, but don’t follow their example. For they don’t practice what they teach. (Matthew 23:3)

Before we can be good parents we must first be good people. Before we can provide instruction, provision, protection and guidance for our children we must have our lives founded upon the Word of God and a living relationship with Jesus Christ.  We cannot expect our children to live in a way that we do not. We cannot expect our children to believe in a way that we do not. We cannot expect our children to follow our instructions if we do not provide a living example that mirrors the words that have come from our mouths.

The old saying rings true in our lives and in the lives of our children, “children will listen to what you say but they will believe what they see you do.”

Grace and Truth

For the law was given through Moses, but grace and truth came through Jesus Christ. (John 1:17)

At our house my wife is referred to as “Grace” by our daughters and I am referred to as “Truth.” In families there must be a balance between the empowering love and encouragement that we give to our children and the reality of what is actually taking place in their lives.

This grace and truth I am referring to is not the New Testament theological definitions but that which has developed in my own family that hopefully will make sense to you.

Grace says, “You can be anything you want to be. If you can imagine it, you can do it.”

Truth says, “If you don’t study and apply yourself you will not be able to succeed.”

Grace says, “It doesn’t matter if you win or lose, only how you play the game.”

Truth says, “Losing is a part of life and you are not supposed to like it; work harder so you can win next time.”

Grace says, “People should love you for who you are on the inside.”

Truth says, “Only God and your parents love you for who you are on the inside; everyone else will require you to earn their love and respect.”

Grace encourages the gifts, talents and dreams of your children. Truth prevents them from embarrassing themselves when they are not ready (think American Idol auditions).

Grace provides an atmosphere of acceptance, love and possibility. Truth provides a foundation of responsibility, hard-work and achievement.

You cannot choose between the two, children need both.

Parents | Instructors | Friends

For even if you had ten thousand others to teach you about Christ, you have only one spiritual father. (1 Corinthians 4:15)

These are three different roles; parents, instructors and friends. As a father or mother it is your duty to fill the role of parent; not the other two. Parents instruct their children and are definitely friendly with them but they are first and foremost parents.

Filling the role of parent means that sometimes you have to do things that your children will not like. You have to provide discipline. You have to set boundaries. You have to say “no”.

You can identify them by their fruit, that is, by the way they act. Can you pick grapes from thorn bushes, or figs from thistles? (Matthew 7:16)

Like it or not, our children are a direct reflection of us (their parents). Children are definitely influenced by outside forces like teachers, friends, extended family, pastors, entertainers, etc., but the primary influence in our children’s lives is us (their parents).

If your children are allowed to throw temper tantrums at age 3, do not be surprised by the rebellion you experience when they turn 13.

If your children are not disciplined to read, study, pray, worship and witness with the family, do not be surprised if they do not do these things on their own.

If responsibility, achievement and hard-work are not something that you teach your children while they live with you, it should not be a surprise if they struggle early in their adult life.

If there are no consequences to bad behavior or rewards for excellence, it will be challenging for your child to function in the real world where they will be judged on what they do.

The role of a parent is to instruct a child, train a child, love a child, and provide for a child so that they will be successful adults. This will cause great inconvenience in the lives of the parents. It will require significant amounts of time, treasure and sacrifice. It will require that you place your children’s needs above your own.

The role of the parent is not to manage a child so that the parent’s life can flourish. The role of the parent is to invest into the life of the child so that the child’s life can flourish.

Husband and Wives

Husbands, love your wives and never treat them harshly. (Colossians 3:19)

Fathers play a significant role in the lives of both their sons and their daughters. This influence is both direct and indirect. One of the most meaningful things that imparted to children from their father is the role of the husband.

Sons learn what it means to be husbands by the way they see their father treat their mother. Daughters learn what to expect from husbands by the way they see their father treat their mother. There are always exceptions to every rule, but it is the relationship of our parents that creates our foundational understanding of love.

“The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.”
Theodore Hesburgh, Catholic Priest and President Emeritus of the University of Notre Dame

There is nothing more powerful in the lives of children than a mother and father, who love God, are filled with the Holy Spirit and who love one another.

Conclusion

As the father of two teenage daughters I work hard to give them everything that I possibly can. The older they get the more I begin to understand my role in their life; I am on half of their launching pad (my wife is the other).  Family has created a resource for them throughout their life. They will be able to look back and see where they came from, what they were taught; the examples we provided.

I will count myself successful if they have learned how to learn. I will count myself successful if they have learned how to make decisions.  I will count myself successful by the friends they make and the men they marry. I will count myself successful by the quality of their character and the message they proclaim. I will count myself successful if they love Jesus with all of their hearts.

To all of the fathers reading, my prayer is that your patience will endure, that you will be steadfast in all that you do and that God will impart His wisdom to you in a powerful way.

Happy Father’s Day 2011

Mike

Parental custody is by far one of the most important decisions that will happen with your child. As a father, you have as much right to custody as the mother of your children does. In actuality, custody of small children is very often granted to the mother. Fathers are granted primary custody in fewer than 10% of cases. Joint custody is an option that gives both parents custody, and is sometimes an amicable solution to a difficult problem. As a father you need to learn the best ways to gain custody of your children.

While most people use the terms interchangeably, child custody and legal guardianship aren’t necessarily the same thing. Child custody and parental custody consists of both legal and physical custody. Legal custody refers to the right to make decisions for the minor child no matter where they live. Physical custody is where the child resides.

Parents are expected to take care of their children no matter where they reside. Paying child support doesn’t guarantee visitation rights. Child custody, visitation rights child support payments are all part of the child custody case.

There are many factors that go into the decision of a judge in a child custody case. Where there is proven child neglect or abuse the decision is relatively easy. Most cases are not that straightforward. There several things you must do as a father seeking parental custody. First, you must show that you are a capable parent and second you must show that it is in your child’s best interest to live with you.

Some of the things a family court looks at when determining custody include:

· Ability to spend quality time with the child
· Provides a stable home life for the child
· Does not demonstrate any prior problems (child neglect, drug use, illegal activities)
· Can provide emotionally and physically for the child
· Psychological evaluation of the children
· Desires of the children (school age)

There are some things to keep in mind when you are working through a child custody case. Always seek to maintain regular weekly visits and telephone calls with your children. Spending quality time with them is an important factor in choosing custody. Take an active role in the decision making process and attend as many of your children’s functions as you can. Staying involved and informed are two key pieces necessary for good parenting. Avoid letting children see or hear any anger between the parents and help kids cope with the emotions of divorce by going to family counseling. Most of all, always consider what is in the best interest of the children.

However, those services are not yet all the things that make these professionals become your best writing service ever. Even with continual full support and highest quality in your dissertation, they still offer more writing packages to suit your academic purposes. You certainly know that dissertation is never meant to be a single piece of work, right? There are others pre-conditions that you need to fulfill first before you finally are able to work with your dissertation. Those include the preliminary researches and proposals to ensure that your dissertation is worth the effort. It is for this condition that you could suit your order to these professionals.

You probably want them to also help you in making your research proposals so that it could easily pass the examiners or your advisor(s) first. Later, you may need these professional writers to provide you with the summary of your dissertation as an additional report to complete the administrative requirements. Or, you may need just one of them, as you already did the rest. Hence, you may need these professionals to make the report only as you give them your dissertation, or just the proposal, or the dissertation itself. Whether you fully order your dissertation or just some complementary parts of it, the result is all the same. You get the best piece of academic writing that certainly is more than qualified enough to pass whatever requirements your institution has set for. And these are why you should have been contacting those professionals right now.

We have had several calls from children about friends whose parents had no life insurance and who had to come up with last minute funds to cover basic final expenses or liquidate with major losses some or all of the parent’s assets. The story is always the same and so is the realization that had the parent had life insurance, it would have been much easier on the children (and cheaper too). Why do parents wait to get needed life insurance? All we have to do is look within ourselves and most of the answers are their. Procrastination, cost, the unwillingness to consider death as a near possibility or simply a lack of caring.

What can children do?

If your parent is cooperative, and it is not always the case, then we suggest a standard life insurance policy with full underwriting. If the need is under ,000, then a simplified issue final expense or burial policy is probably best.

If the parent is not cooperative about getting life insurance, then children may only be able to do a no exam, simplified issue whole life insurance plan. We have had very few situation were the parent does not want to sign for any life insurance. In that case, there is nothing you can do. By the way, It is illegal to take out a life insurance policy on anyone without their permission. For the very difficult parent, you may want to try an online only application. Somehow clicking a few boxes online may not be as much of an issue as signing a form. There are many companies that will take online applications (again, your parent must agree to do this and sign online were required).

Which types plans are best for parents who need life insurance?

When it comes to purchasing life for parents, there really are three basic choices.

Term life insurance universal life and whole life. If you will only be covering small final expenses then we recommend that you do a whole life insurance. The whole life insurance should at least be guaranteed to run with level premiums and a level face amount to age 100 (120 is better). If the need is large and also long term, then we recommend a universal life plan. Again, this plan must guarantee that your premiums and face amount will be level to at least age 100. Last, if the need is temporary, such as in the case of a short term loan, then term life is most likely best. As every case can be very varied, a combination of policy types is not unusual. For example, if you need to buy life insurance for your mother or father and they have 10 years remaining on a ,000 mortgage. Then a 10 year term life to cover the mortgage loan and a small (,000 to ,000) whole life for final expenses and burial cost should be enough.

How about if my Parent has Other Assets to Cover Final Needs?

It may or may not be a good idea to consider using all or some of the liquid and not liquid assets when deciding if your mother or father (or both) need a life insurance policy. Due to the intricate nature of this decision, if your parent has a more complicated estate, we strongly recommend that you speak with an estate planner. In any case, here are some basic guidelines. You should be OK on planning to use very liquid assets to pay for final expenses, debts… You should be very careful with non-liquid assets though. You would not want to have to run a fire sale on their house, or liquidate mutual fund holdings to pay for final expense and other needs. The cost of doing that could be huge!

We hope that this short article will help you make better decisions. As we say in all of our articles always ask, ask and ask more questions. Feel free to ask us too. Be well.

The degree of parental awareness of children’s preferences for doing homework is promising that many parents are indeed aware of how their children want to do their home­work. However, even if parents understand and are aware of their chil­dren’s pattern of personal preferences for doing homework, they may not make the effort required to match the actual situation in which the child does homework to the child’s preferred conditions. We now turn to the question of whether parents who understand their children’s pref­erences encourage their children to do homework under conditions of their own choosing.  The gap between students’ preferred and actual ways of doing homework indicating that just as many learners do not learn in college according to their individual preferences, many do not do their homework according to their prefer­ences either.

In the Ohayon (1999) study, children characterized by low levels of creative thinking reported differences between the preferred and actual situation in which they did their homework that focused on three, easily remediable dimensions.

They complained that they were provided with less light than they preferred. Moreover, they were not able to move about as they liked and had to remain seated and always in the same place when doing homework. In examining these represen­tative examples of the specific findings of the study, it is striking to conclude that some relatively simple accommodation on the part of par­ents would result in much greater match between the preferred and the actual conditions under which children do their homework.

Learners are not always permitted to learn at home under their pre­ferred conditions.

Parents frequently have strong views about learning conditions and these views may be in contrast to the conditions preferred by the learner. For instance, a child might prefer to study with peers and may actually do better with peer cooperation. The parent, however, might not allow this mode of studying because he or she may feel that studying should be done alone, whereas friends are for socialization. The child might prefer to do his or her homework with background music, but the parent might not allow studying that way because the parent believes music will prevent concentration.

It is important for parents to realize that accommodating home environment to the homework per­formance preferences of children can be a factor in improving the aca­demic achievement level of the homework assignments. Ohayon (1999) computed a score that reflected the discrepancy between the preferred and actual conditions under which the child did his or her homework and found a correlation of -.29 between this gap score and perceived achievement on homework. In other words, the greater the gap, indicat­ing low parent awareness, the lower the achievement. This finding should provide incentive for parents to increase understanding of their child’s homework performance preferences and to accommodate the ac­tual conditions under which homework is done.

Grants for single parents can come in quite handy if you are looking for some extra financing to help make ends meet in a tight financial situation. There are many grants to avail yourself of if you are single mother. It’s simply a matter of finding them and actually applying for them.

Grants are a great way to get some extra cash. There are literally thousands of different grants you can apply for. Different grants target different things. For example, there are grants for single parents, grants for single mothers, grants for minorities, grants for religious affiliation, grants for business, etc.

To get a grant, you need to first decide what sort of grant you are looking for, then you need to find a grant that you qualify for. Keep in mind that different grants will have different requirements. And, depending on your financial need, the amount of grant money you receive will vary.

Two people may apply for the same grant, but the funding given out won`t be the same.

The rule of thumb for grants is that the more you need them, the more likely you are to actually qualify for one. Grants are always given on the basis of financial need. You need to be making less than a certain income level to qualify.

The trick to getting grants is to apply for as many as possible. Grants are often a numbers game – the more you apply for, the higher the chance you have of getting grants for single parents that you actually qualify for.

Nowadays, online thesis writing exists in some websites. It means that some websites try to offer their service in writing thesis or other scientific writings. It means that you can save your time and energy. Besides, the quality of your order is good. It is because the experts will handle your order as well as possible. So, whatever the topic of your thesis, this writing service will handle it fully for you.

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Communication between parents and their children can be a source of great pleasure and a wonderful bridge to being close and warm. Or it can be a source of deep distress for everyone and bring a family to the brink of disintegration. It is that important. Often when professionals are brought in to help a family they spend time getting to understand the dynamics of the family and it is the communication patterns that give them the best ‘feel’ for what is really going on inside that intense and intensely private space that is a family system.

How can we make sense of communication?
One of the most useful models we have found for making sense of how people are communicating with one another is through Transactional Analysis. We have a short video of the model available on U-tube. With this model it becomes easy to see how two people ‘miss’ one another and talk at cross purposes.

This is especially true between parents and their children as parents and carers have to walk a delicate line between talking to the children as equals and coaching them to make the most and best of themselves and some tough love type conversations where they lay down the family law and set boundaries. Getting that balance right enough of the time makes a big difference to the success of the relationship.

Getting it right: Tough love and fun
One of the things that children respond to really well is fun! Not any great amazing revelation I know but it is something that in our observations of family communication we see missing much of the time. The way I understand it is that parents and carers get caught up with their responsibilities – put food on the table, roof over heads, make sure kids get on at school.

It is like a computer programme running their system. What they lose in this programme is the fun button. Spending time with the children, playing, doing interesting things and just hanging out somewhere you both enjoy gives more quality to your relationship than anything else. I have often found parents worrying about having ‘family time’ and yet hating the time they do have as a family because it always leads to rows! In fact it is far better to have quality time with the children on a one to one basis as the priority and that makes family events much easier because the competition for time and energy has been relieved. Try it and see.

Don’t you wish there was a great big “Undo” button in life; where you could completely erase your parenting mistakes? I bet some parents would give anything for such a button. 

Unfortunately, there is no such “undo” button.  But perhaps the best way to avoid the need for one is to avoid the kind of mistakes parents sometimes make.  To learn what those could be, you might sit down with a few veteran parents to ask them what they would have done differently if they could turn back time; in other words, what they would have “undone” if they could have. 

And that’s exactly what I did this week, through our Facebook page.  Hindsight is always 20-20, and if the regrets expressed by these parenting veterans are taken to heart by current and upcoming parents, it may help the “rookies” avoid some of the same heartaches.

I have to admit, I was surprised by the direction of the answers.

I was half expecting people to feed back to me some of my recent parenting tips, like: “I should have gotten my teenager a part-time job and a checkbook to manage earlier,” or, “I shouldn’t have allowed her to date so young.”  But those who responded seemed to be thinking a few levels deeper, which tells me that they put some heavy thought into their brief responses. I’ve grouped them into three main areas of concern: “worrying less, ”being more consistent,” and “spending more time together.” These definitely came to the forefront. 

Here are some of their “If I could do it over again, here’s what I would change” responses… 

More Consistency

I’d be consistent and make my “no’s” count.
I’d learn how to be consistent! 
I’d be more consistent.
I’d  have been more consistent and disciplined about chores and physical activity.
I would have been more CONSISTENT.  Not being consistent causes problems every time.
I’d have created home rules and backed them up. We did too much discipline “on the fly” which made us very inconsistent.
I would make sure my husband and I were on the same page in parenting BEFORE we had problems that needed addressed!! That is most important — to be consistent — and not being so has caused many heartaches.

Worry Less…

I’d not worry so much about what I may be doing wrong. I have found that you can do everything “right” and still make mistakes. I’d just relax and enjoy parenting and enjoy my kids — they are fantastic!

I would not have been so protective of my oldest son during high school. He never gave me reason to not let go. I was just so worried about him getting hurt that I said “no” to way too much. Now he’s in college and we rarely see him because he is finally “free.”
I would not worry so much.
I’d not worry about the little stuff!
I’d worry less about being normal…what’s normal anyways !?!?!
I’d worry less… someone once told me that if I was worrying more about their schooling, future, etc . , than they were, I was worrying too much. Come to find out they were right!
I’d relax. Surrender. Trust. Enjoy… 

Spend More Time Together…

We’d have more family time!
I have a 17-year-old daughter and I did not spend enough one-on-one time talking or spending time together. There is a distance between us that I hope not to make the same mistake with my younger daughters.
We would have more family time and one-on-one.
I would’ve turned off the TV more and pursued mutual interests with my kids.
I’d spend more time with the kids, work away from home less often.
I’d play with my child more when she was little, like play dolls, pretend, tag, hide and seek and catch more fireflies.
I would have gotten used to less television and electronics (and other distractions) and more games together inside and outside.
We’d have more dinners together. No matter if we talk…we are together.
I’d not work as much and be home with family more.

The thing that strikes me about all three of these categories is that they have more to do with the parents’ attitudes and attempts at relationship than the actions of their kids.  In fact, they have little to do with the teenager and mostly to do with how the parent responded or didn’t respond.  But as you read between the lines, the remorse felt by these parents is likely brought on by the resulting damage to the relationship they have with their children, which perhaps continues to be strained today.

The other main category of response has to do with parent-child interaction; and again, it has more to do with the parent’s interaction than the teenager’s. Here is what they said…

Interact More Lovingly and Respectfully…

I’d listen more and lecture less. I’d not force everything down their throat and expect them to obey as it does not work that way anymore…they will REBEL and that causes all the heartaches!
I’d apologize more.
I’d not yell as much.
I would have stopped yelling and given them more respect.
I wouldn’t argue with my husband in front of my children. I would allow my kids express themselves more, and not suppress their feelings.
I’d listen more, lecture less and ask their opinion on issues more. Stay engaged when the going was tough.
I wouldn’t argue with them, even though they seem to thrive on arguing.
I’d teach the entire family how to have loving healthy communication.
I’d love unconditionally.
I’d give more hugs and kisses (even when they become a teen). Sometimes we parents feel that “uncomfortable” feeling because they are getting older…that is when they need it the most.

These parents came to the conclusion that their own actions may have contributed to how they interact with their adult children today, or how their children continue to cope with life today.  If they had access to an “Undo Life” button, they’d surely make some changes. 

So, take care in your own parenting .  The teen years — though they may seem arduous and never-ending with some kids — are actually short-lived.  Then you have the rest of your lives together.  The wise advice from these parents? Be consistent…spend time with them…interact more lovingly…and worry less. 

For many parents as soon as they drop their kids off at school they do not have any connection with them until they get home later that night. This can be good for students because it allows for them to focus on school and then focus on the home rather than mixing them together, but this is usually not the case. Students behave and learn better when they know that their parents are interested in what they do and make an effort to know what they are doing through out the day. A teacher parent partnership is a great way for parents and teachers to unite for the sole benefit of the child.

Successful elementary school fundraisers are a direct result of successful teacher parent partnerships. Those partnerships drive the elementary school fundraising effort.

A teacher parent partnership is just a simple way of saying that both the parent and teacher will work together to better the child.

Many teachers send out a letter at the beginning of the year explaining what the partnership is. There is no fee, or officers. It is just a way to make sure that the teachers and the parents are on the same page. There are several ways to build the partnership.

One great way is to have parent teacher conferences. Even though the teacher may not have asked the parents for a meeting, it is a great idea for the parents to request one. It seems that conferences are only held when there is something wrong with the child. It could be behavioral problems, learning problems, or something that the teacher may see to be a problem later on in life. Parents should feel free to talk to the teachers at any point of the year. Both the parents and the teachers enjoy conferences that talk about how well the child is doing.

Many parents aren’t aware of what the kids are learning or how they are doing. By having a parent teacher conference, the parents can learn more about their kid.

Parents can also volunteer to help out in the class when ever it is needed. They can help plan parties or make decorations. They can bake cookies or just be there for support. This often takes away a lot of pressure from the teacher, and allows them to focus on teaching rather than babysitting. Teachers can also send out weekly newsletters to the parents so that they can know what the kids are doing and what they can expect in the future.

A lot of parents trust teachers to know what is best for their students. Maybe that trust is appropriate but you will never know for sure if you don’t develop a good relationship with your child’s teacher. The same is true in reverse. Most teachers take on full responsibility for students and never attempt to develop a relationship with the parents.

A teacher parent partnership is a great way for kids to know that everyone is on their side. It helps out everyone who is involved, the teacher, parent, and student.