A Journey in Secular Parenting

December 2011Monthly Archives

Learning How To Parent

Learning How To Parent

Parents unite!  Complex as it is, it is possible to rear children into responsible, happy and well-adjusted adults.  From our end as parents, it will take patience and commitment.  However, it will also take wisdom and experience.  This is where our support system and access to those who know will play a big role.

No doubt parenting has its priceless rewards.  No treasure could equal having our own flesh and blood continue the family line and seeing facets of ourselves in sons and daughters.  We all look forward to seeing our grandchildren around us during visits and warm family gatherings.  Grandchildren (well supported and taken cared of by their parents of course) are the rewards of old age.  

It is a fact though, that being a parent is stressful and demanding.  We are faced with situations that would require Solomon’s wisdom.

Unfortunately, as most of us know, we are no Solomon.  We face a thousand and one issues everyday.  

For most of us who have been in this parenting business for more than 10 years, we found out that just when we knew all the answers, they changed all the questions!  The issues differ from pregnancy to babies, from babies to toddlers, from toddlers to pre-schoolers.  These go on and on until our precious children reach adulthood and have families of their own.  

This might sound scary to first timers. However, we must remember that for every stressful situation, they are magical moments and lots of them.  We just have to learn to appreciate them when they come and not be bogged down with the challenges of the day.  Children, trying as they are most of the time, are a great source of joy.

When these situations and issues come though, don’t we just wish that there is someone who could give us advice?  We seek out that special parent who has gone through the same ordeal we are now in yet came out triumphant.  How we wish we had a support group to discuss certain “case studies” so much like our own and find a list of solutions and alternatives.  Then we could go back to our parenting with renewed confidence and hope instead of feeling hopeless and distraught.  

Being parents, being good parents is challenging.  No, it’s not just challenging.  It’s tough!  It is more than just providing for the material needs of our children.  We’d like to be there for them, raise them to be winners or at least equip them with what they need to make a go at life.  

On top of being parents, we are also faced with the challenges of our own careers, our relationships and our dreams.  We have inner conflicts that we have to deal with.  We have seemingly mundane tasks that are a necessary part of life.  Don’t we just wish we could find out how other parents cope?  Just maybe, they have strategies to share with us or us with them.  We all have our unique experiences that when shared could enrich each other.

It’s really all about sharing what we know, what we have gone through, what works and what may not work.  It’s all about us and our children.  It’s all about being parents and what we could do to make each other better parents.  Parenting is actually one long roller coaster ride for a lot of us.  We could either be alone and agonize all through out the ride or with the help of others, enjoy it to the fullest.

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Teenager Advice For Parents

Teenager Advice For Parents

As the parent of an unruly teenager, you are probably experiencing a little deja vu. It appears that everything that you went through with your parents as a teenager, is repeating itself. And the sad thing is, it doesn’t seem like that long ago. Dealing with teenagers hasn’t really changed much throughout history, as all of the same things are going on. The prospect of growing up, and the awkwardness of the body and brain going through many chemical and hormonal changes can cause anyone to act a little crazy and be a bit unpredictable. This is all normal.

Parents have a tendency to try molding their teenager into a carbon copy of their self, minus any of the mistakes they made. This can be very annoying to the teen, and the reaction is total disrespect. These are the years when a teen becomes highly embarrassed to even be seen with parents or family.

It is normal for a parent to worry about their children, but when a mother looks at her teenager and stills sees the toddler she watched so carefully, it’s hard to accept the child changing into an adult.

For the best results in dealing with teenagers, the parents need to realize that their maturing child is an individual. Don’t try pushing ideas on them that applied to you at that age. Times have changed. Giving advice is the proper approach. Let your child know that they can trust you, and keep the lines of communication wide open. Let them know you can talk about anything, without having a negative reaction or getting upset. Don’t be so assertive with rules that they become scared of you. Don’t sneak around behind your teens back or spy on them, this kind of activity can backfire and create mistrust that can never be renewed.

At this stage of the game. it’s better to act like a friend, rather than a parent.

No matter what happens, make time to stop everything and give your child a big hug to let them know that you love them. Every parent and child are unique with individual personalities, and knowing what to do in different situations is not an exact science. If you have a child that is getting ready to go through those changes, make sure to invest in a good, up to date, teenage guide book, to have something to fall back on, just in case. Always remember, to get respect, you have to give respect.

If you have a strong willed, out of control teen, make sure to visit the authors blog page “Teen Relief” at http://teenrelief.blogspot.com/